Netherfield Math
by WadeH
Summary: Elizabeth Bennet cannot talk about books in a ballroom, but apparently, she can do arithmetic. A little light-hearted diversion at the Netherfield ball assisted by the stone-cold precision of mathematics (Short Story - Complete).


_A/N: Apparently, my cure for writers block is to write a quick short story. I was slaving away on the somewhat busy ending to Seven Brandies (Now Complete - Yay), and this one popped into my head, so I had to purge it. Dance by numbers at the Netherfield ball. Enjoy._

* * *

Despite the poor beginning with her odious cousin, Elizabeth Bennet was now quite enjoying the Netherfield Ball. _She danced next with an officer … When those dances were over, she returned to Charlotte Lucas, and was in conversation with her, when she found herself suddenly addressed by Mr. Darcy who took her so much by surprise in his application for her hand, that…_ she  nearly accepted him without knowing what she did.

To give herself time to think, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Mr. Darcy, will you hold out your arm horizontally please?"

Darcy looked perplexed, but not knowing what else to do he complied.

Elizabeth opened her reticule to remove her dance card and pencil. She looked carefully at the card, did some sort of counting of the dances on the front, glanced up at the clock, then turned the card over and performed some calculations on the back while resting the card in his arm as a desk. Darcy was intrigued but also puzzled. He wasn't a great or frequent dancer, but he didn't think it took this much arithmetic to work out a yes or no question, particularly when the idea of her answering "no" never even occurred to him.

Elizabeth turned the card over once or twice; counted everything a second time, did the math a second time, and finally said, "Yes, Mr. Darcy, I will dance with you." She then put the card and pencil back in her reticule, and since he was still standing there holding his arm out and the music was starting she took his arm to accompany him to the dance floor.

As she _took her place in the set, amazed at the dignity to which she was arrived in being allowed to stand opposite to Mr. Darcy, and reading in her neighbours' looks, their equal amazement in beholding it. They stood for some time without speaking a word_. Elizabeth was satisfied with the silence. She had once sat beside him in the Netherfield library for a full half-hour without either saying a word, so it should be even easier on a dance floor. There were ample amusements to be had, so she started surreptitiously looking around as they danced.

The first thing she saw gave her pause. Her cousin Collins was dancing with Mariah Lucas, and he had just come perilously close to destroying her dress and shoes in one fell swoop. She began to wonder if maybe her family was having some sort of contest to see how many could make her look ridiculous. That was 1.

She looked around to the other side of the dance floor and saw Kitty and Lydia weaving through the dancers, practically tap‑hackled, laughing with glee, and clearly embarrassing everyone who could witness the spectacle. Call that 2 and 3.

She saw Mary sitting in the corner reading Fordyce's Sermons at a ball, and she had earlier acquitted herself poorly on the pianoforte. She should be charitable and call that 1/2 for a total of 3-1/2 of 4.

Her mother was screeching like a banshee about Jane and Mr. Bingley, such that she could hear her all the way across the room. That behavior was so egregious it deserved a bonus score, so call that 1-1/2 for a total of 5 of 6.

Her father was probably quietly heaping scorn on her younger sisters instead of checking their behavior and had been particularly uncharitable to Mary earlier so … 6 of 7.

She looked over at Jane, and was happy to see her quietly talking to Mr. Bingley with a look of complete propriety and serenity on her face. She could count 1 in the non-embarrassing column, so now 6 of 8.

To be complete, she would have to examine her own behavior critically. She was halfway through a dance with a man who disliked her and hadn't said a word for a quarter hour. That should probably count for at least 1/2, so now it was 6-1/2 of 8. She stumbled slightly while trying to do the sum in her head, and was required to return her attention to her partner whom she had been ignoring the whole time. Maybe she should give herself a full point for 7 of 8. She would need to defer her math until later if she wanted to avoid giving herself another bonus half-point, because then she would have to start the calculation all over again.

Mr. Darcy was at first quite happy to just be able to feast his eyes on Elizabeth Bennet as she danced and hold her as close as he could get away with, until _he began to imagine that their silence was to last through the two dances_ , and at first was resolved not to break it; till suddenly he realized that would be most impolite.

 _"I believe we must have some conversation, Miss Elizabeth."_

There, that sounded forceful but polite, interested and interesting.

 _"Do you talk by rule, then, while you are dancing, sir?"_

 _"Sometimes. One must speak a little, you know. It would look odd to be entirely silent for half an hour together;_ and yet I must confess that I dance so seldom, I cannot claim to have a well-established rule. I seldom if ever dance with anyone I'm not particularly acquainted with, and most of those can hold an entire conversation without any input from me. In this case, I believe some discousprse is desirable."

Elizabeth had to giggle at the characterization of who was obviously Caroline Bingley. Apparently, Mr. Darcy had a sense of humor hidden inside… well hidden.

 _"Are you consulting your own feelings in the present case, or do you imagine that you are gratifying mine?"_

 _"_ Both, I should hope"

 _She made no answer, and they were again silent till they had gone down the dance, when he asked her_ , "I noticed you stumble a bit just before we started talking. Normally you're as graceful as a cat, so I find it surprising. May I inquire as to the cause?"

"Are you so knowledgeable about cats then, sir?"

"Perhaps I'm not an authority on cats, but I do believe I'm quite well enough acquainted with you to give the comparison merit."

That was unusually forward, perhaps suicidally forward in such an environment. He could perfectly well hear Mrs. Bennet as well as Elizabeth could, and imagined she was sharpening her knives even now.

Lizzy just laughed. The absurdity of him claiming any knowledge whatsoever of her was too much to hold her tongue.

Darcy was quite enjoying her laugh, not quite realizing the ultimate cause of her humor. He was persistent though, so he asked again, "You are avoiding the question Miss Elizabeth. What made you stumble just then?" He gave her a look that he hoped was one of shared amusement, but was distressed to see she wasn't amused at all. He tried to recover, "Forgive me. I seem to have forgotten what few manners I possess. That was an uncharitable question."

Elizabeth was surprised by his apology for his manners, or that he was even aware of the concept. Perhaps he wasn't quite as universally odious as she took him for. Elizabeth then had an alarming thought. He must have observed the behavior of her family, and she could see from her visit that he was someone Mr. Bingley relied upon heavily. Might he dissuade Bingley from his suit with Jane because of her family? Such a thought had not occurred to her, but it was quite possible, and she could see no way around it… unless perhaps she could show him that Jane and Elizabeth were different from the rest. Perhaps … It was a risk, but she decided to take it.

"Mr. Darcy, I'm afraid explaining the cause of my misstep would cause some embarrassment, but I will oblige if you insist."

"Embarrassment for whom?"

"That remains to be seen, sir. At least myself, and possibly you as well."

This was intriguing. This felt like the very first _real_ conversation he had ever had with the ever-fascinating Miss Elizabeth. Darcy was slightly alarmed by that thought, both its content and how easily it slid through his mind. He could be in real danger with this woman.

"You have me very intrigued Miss Elizabeth, but you also leave me in a quandary. It would be bad manners to cause you embarrassment, but you have left me insatiably curious."

Elizabeth went down the line again, and when she came back she said, "You're no stranger to bad manners Mr. Darcy, so this conversation need not be the exception. If you still desire it, I will enlighten you."

What? No stranger to bad manners. He would be revisiting this subject, but for now, he wanted to know what she was about.

"By all means, please proceed, Miss Elizabeth"

"I was doing arithmetic Mr. Darcy. I'm not very good with division and percentages so I stumbled while trying to do it in my head."

Well! She was certainly the master of obscure statements.

"I'm quite good at arithmetic, perhaps I can assist?"

"I was trying to convert 7 of 8 to a percentage sir."

"87.5 percent"

"I see you have some skill then. I applaud you. Could you also do 7-1/2 of 8?"

"93.75 percent"

"6-1/2 of 8"

"81.25 percent"

"Actually, you are very good sir. I couldn't do that without paper. I thank you for your assistance. I should be able to get through the dance without further stumbling."

"It shows a few years at Cambridge can be useful for something."

Elizabeth sighed and said, "I wish I could go to Cambridge."

Darcy had to admit he was fascinated. He'd never heard a woman bemoan the lack of formal education before.

"Do you always speak in riddles, Miss Elizabeth?"

"Mostly. However, in this case I am unaware of having done so."

"You stumbled over math, but those are just numbers, and not all that embarrassing or enlightening. Could you tell me what the numbers mean, and why they would concern you?"

"Oh that!"

Right at that moment, the music ended and Elizabeth had to decide if she was willing to trust Mr. Darcy with her embarrassing truth. He could observe her family's embarrassment for himself, so perhaps attracting some attention to herself would give her a chance to make up for some of it.

"If you would care for some punch, I will oblige you Mr. Darcy."

Darcy obtained some punch and came back to join her at the side of the room.

 _"Mr. Darcy, the numbers were embarrassing because I was calculating the percentage of my family that was currently filling me with mortification. With your help I can see it was between 81 and 94 percent."_

Darcy stood with his mouth hanging open for a moment. That some of her family were embarrassing, and in fact completely lacking in propriety was obvious, and he had noticed Miss Elizabeth trying to check them, so she was clearly aware of it and concerned. None of that was surprising, but to openly discuss it required quite a lot of nerve. Such a statement was risky on her part, as it could be considered yet more impropriety, or carelessness; or it could be considered something of an intimacy; something you would only do with a trusted friend. It certainly wasn't something you would say if you were trying to catch the positive attention of a gentleman… quite the opposite in fact. Therefore, unless she was playing a deeper game than he could follow, it didn't seem that she was setting her cap for him.

Elizabeth watched his expressions with a bit of amusement. There was no doubt this wasn't what he expected, and he clearly didn't know how to react. After a moment, he gathered himself together and appeared to just blurt out the first thing that came to his mind.

"Why the range of numbers?"

"It's a matter of how you count them. My two youngest sisters need no explanation. They each count as one, would you agree?"

"Yes"

Elizabeth began to be less sanguine about this whole operation. She was playing dangerously near being offensive, and it was possible she was harming Jane's cause more than helping it, but she saw no way out of the corner she had painted herself into except forward.

"My mother is mortifying enough to count as 1-1/2 I judge. Is that fair, sir?"

Here he thought this was getting to some slippery ground, but didn't have a way out either.

"Yes, agreed… although I would not have said that."

"But you have thought it?"

"Yes"

"And mentioned it to Mr. Bingley?"

Now he thought he was getting to the crux of the matter.

"It is a possibility."

"Shall we continue, or are you finding this discussion as uncomfortable as I am? I would happily desist, sir."

He had to admit that was bravely said, and a wise man would no doubt quit right now.

"Pray, continue. I am finding it extremely uncomfortable, but I cannot imagine leaving it there."

"I imagine that's what a Cobra's victim thinks."

"Nevertheless, strike when ready madam"

This elicited a small laugh, before she continued with, "My father counts as one. His behavior isn't as bad as my mother, but he gets points for not moderating his family and for being unkind to poor Mary so he gets a point, while Mary gets 1/2 which is either generous or vindictive, I can't decide."

"It's not an exact science, but both seem reasonable", Darcy replied.

"I assigned Mr. Collins a point, although that seems generous and he probably should get 1-1/2. My father's estate is entailed upon him, so my mother is obsessed about what happens when my father dies. He will probably offer for me sometime this week without knowing or caring a thing about me. That's his purpose in coming here, but be that as it may his behavior speaks for itself."

Darcy found this idea particularly alarming for some reason.

"Do you intend to accept him?"

"It would offer security for my family, but I'm afraid I must decline. My mother will try to force me, and I can only hope my father will stand by me."

This was even worse. Darcy tried to imagine her attached to that oily parson by force, living at Rosings with Lady Catherine trying and failing to run her life in every particular. It would be miserable.

"You cannot accept him"

"I thank you for your sentiment, but I may have little choice."

Darcy just couldn't talk about that any more until he cleared his head.

"Miss Elizabeth, this talk is a bit perplexing and to be truthful, somewhat distressing. I find I need some air. Would you consent to joining me in the balcony? We will stay in full view of the assembly."

"With my mother, I suggest you do both that and keep a good distance Mr. Darcy, but yes, I will join you."

Darcy offered her his arm and they proceeded to the balcony, accompanied by the stares of everyone in the room, and to her complete mortification, a scream from her mother.

"Is it too late to give my mother two points sir?"

For the first time, the two of them laughed together in complete harmony.

When they reached the balcony, Darcy followed her advice about keeping his distance and asked, "If I followed correctly Miss Elizabeth, you are still 1/2 to 1 point short."

"Oh that! I was undecided how many points to give myself."

"You believe your manners require some reproof?"

"You know perfectly well they do sir, so don't pretend otherwise."

That statement left him baffled… completely baffled.

"Miss Elizabeth, I believe I can well remember every time I've ever been in company with you, and can find nothing wanting in your behavior."

Elizabeth found herself surprisingly warmed by this unexpected sentiment. She was sure had been searching for faults for their entire acquaintance, and was certain he must have an extensive list stored away.

"I thank you sir. I am be happy to know you find two members of my family without egregious flaws.", and surprisingly enough, she was happy about it.

"Should you ever meet my aunt and uncle in town, you would have two more."

Mr. Darcy still had one question in his mind, "Miss Bennet, what were you doing with your dance card when I asked you to dance?"

Now it was time to be embarrassed once again.

"I wish I could avoid answering that as I will feel embarrassed again, and after you said such nice things, I'd rather not."

Darcy thought about this. That meant it was probably about him, probably bad, and also probably clever and funny if he didn't take it too seriously.

"I will defer that question if you'll answer one more for me."

Elizabeth didn't like the sound of this, but couldn't see a way to avoid it.

"You said during the dance ' _You're no stranger to bad manners Mr. Darcy'._ What did you mean?"

Elizabeth was mortified. She had forgotten all about that in the press and distraction of other events. Was all the goodwill she'd built up over the previous hour to fall down around her feet?

"While I appreciate your mathematical prowess sir, I would wish for a less acute memory. I regret saying that and would beg you to forget it."

Darcy looked at her carefully and said, "I will… under one condition."

"Name it sir"

"Tell me you did not believe it at the time."

Now she was well and truly caught. Why couldn't she lie to this man?

"I'm afraid I cannot"

"So you do have cause to fault my manners, but wish not to give offense?"

With a sigh, "Yes sir"

"Why?"

Now she was at a crossroads. At this point, she could not extricate herself from this predicament of her own making. It would now be impossible to escape without giving offense, and she could just see Jane's hopes going down with her. After tonight, she wouldn't be surprised if the whole party decamped to town as rapidly as possible.

Darcy stepped a little closer, probably a little too close for comfort and said, "Elizabeth, please. Say what you have to say. Nobody but Bingley and my cousin ever says anything _real_ to me. I will not take offense, and you have my word I will not interfere between your sister and Bingley. That's what you're worried about, isn't it?"

Now Elizabeth was stunned. The least surprising part of that speech was his unconscious use of her given name, and that gave her some clue to his thinking. He would never have done that to someone he disliked as much as she thought he must. Come to think of it, men rarely danced with women they found disagreeable either. His promise to leave Jane and Mr. Bingley alone was like gold to her, so she thought she owed him an honest answer. She drew a deep breath.

"Sir, when you asked me to dance, I was using the time and calculations to try to come up with an excuse not to dance with you. I actually attempted to numerically calculate the value of having to put up with you for a half-hour versus the loss of dancing for the rest of the evening should I refuse.

Darcy stood stunned. Of everything she could have said, this was the very last thing he expected. He of course thought all this time that she would have been waiting and hoping for a dance from him. For a woman in a place such as this, with a family as desperate as hers to decline a dance with him was almost beyond unthinkable to him. It of course made logical sense as a possibility, but was nothing he would have considered seriously.

He looked at her closely, and quietly asked, "Is this related to the other question?"

Elizabeth felt in some real danger here… danger of what she knew not, but definitely danger. However, by this time there was nothing to do but answer.

"Yes sir. You said I was ' _not handsome enough to tempt you'_ that first night at the assembly. Every interaction we've had since has been colored by that first hour, and you haven't exactly made yourself amiable to the neighborhood."

Darcy was deeply shamed. He had quite forgotten he even said such a thing. That first night, there was no telling what type of insanity might have come from his mouth.

"You must have hated me"

Almost a whisper, "Yes, and I believed it mutual. That's why I was so confused when you asked me to dance."

Darcy said, "May I correct the record?"

"If you wish"

"You are without a doubt the most handsome woman of my acquaintance Miss Elizabeth Bennet. That is the absolute truth. You are also by far the cleverest, and most interesting."

This was just about too much for Elizabeth.

"You called me by my given name sir. Why did you do that?"

Darcy chuckled, "You caught me out. I've been thinking of you that way for some time."

Elizabeth smiled. It would never go anywhere, but to have caught his attention was worth something. It would give her something to remember in the coming years.

Darcy looked thoughtful, and then frowned a little and asked, "Have you forgiven me my lapse? I imagine you have another list of examples in mind, but might I just ask you to forgive those as well and let us start anew?"

"I would like that very much."

Darcy looked around to make sure nobody could overhear them, and said, "I still have concerns about your situation. Are you certain Mr. Collins will offer for you?"

"Nearly"

"And your mother will definitely try to force you, or at least make things difficult for you."

"Beyond a doubt sir, but I will survive it."

"And your father can not be absolutely relied upon to stand by you?"

"My father cannot be relied on for much of anything, sir… but he is my father."

Darcy stroked his chin in deep thought for a moment.

"Elizabeth… may I have leave to call you that?"

"Yes, I believe that would be agreeable if you would allow me the same privilege."

"My name is Fitzwilliam, but I would like it if you call me William as my sister does."

"I would like that."

Darcy thought for one more moment, and made a decision.

"Elizabeth, I don't think I'm satisfied with the danger you are in with Mr. Collins. He is my aunt's rector, and you'll like her even less than him. I have an alternative in mind that will remove that possibility, but you may or may not like it."

"Will it be preferable to Mr. Collins?"

"I believe so"

"How can you be so certain of your plan?"

"You will have to trust me Elizabeth. Do you trust me?"

Elizabeth could not have predicted this conversation even five minutes ago, let alone this morning; but she found that the answer was surprising… probably the most surprising thing she could ever recall.

"Yes William, I surprisingly find that I trust you implicitly."

"Good"

And with that, Fitzwilliam Darcy, in full view of everyone in the ball closed the gap between them, grabbed her gently around the waist and kissed her with all the passion that had been unconsciously building in him since the day he first saw her… really saw her.

He was most gratified... most gratified indeed… to find her returning the embrace with equal passion.


End file.
